Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I loaned him a tie and then had to tie it for him. I'm like his weird lesbian girlfriend.
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
