is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
And just when I was about to fall asleep, he hit me in the face, and claimed he's a "violent sleeper".
I can't believe im sexting my roommate. This is really what my life has come to
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Randomize
