just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
