sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
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