bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
Did I show you my penis last night?
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
Randomize
