He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Just got super judged by a walmart cashier for buying diet pills and candy in the same transaction. Like she has her life figured out.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
