I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
level of my singleness - just ate a whole pizza topless in bed.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
