I painted my nails silver
And what are the implications of that?
Is there supposed to be a msg in that? Just thought ud like to know it looks like I fingerbanged an alien
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
There's something very strange about masturbating in a hotel room. I feel like I'm cheating on my room...
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
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