i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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