found the other keg... it's in the tree
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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