how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
