Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
