So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
Bloody Mary Monday just took a turn for the worst... Just had a heart to heart talk with the cat about it's obsession with chewing on cardboard.... Time for a nap.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
