last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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