Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
