I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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