If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I was wondering how I got the burn marks on my boobs and then I remembered....
The baked potato bra?
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
