There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
