either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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