I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
