I am in a vortex of obligation.
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
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