just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
