do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
