Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
