i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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