theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
