he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
Randomize
