It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
