Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Randomize