I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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