god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
An hour is enough time for me to get drunk and win a dry hump marathon so I hope you have somewhat similar or better goals
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
