It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
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