i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm willing to share. He can have sloppy seconds.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
