i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize