There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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