i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
