My balls are so social today.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
Randomize
