She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
Randomize
