Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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