I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
