i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize