there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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