worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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