Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
