it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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