the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
Randomize
