You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
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