shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Randomize
