So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
