she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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