mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize