Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
She even gives head with a lisp.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
