Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Randomize
