I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
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