Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
and unfortunately for you, hallmark doesnt make a "sorry i was getting a blowie in the backseat of your car while you were driving, projectiled my jizz onto your hand, and caused you to crash" card
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
