there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
