Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
I supernannyed him into submission
Randomize
