I could have mohawked her pubes.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
