I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
Randomize
