He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
My first drink last night was a 2-liter of jameson and coke. So hung over it hurt to put my pants back on
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
