My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
