My brain says no but my pants say off.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
