Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i just saw someone i know on True Life. i need new friends.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Does your throat ever get sore from being choked too hard or do u think I'm just getting sick??
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize