dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
So my graduate coordinator is possible gay man. I may have just found the easiest way to a degree ever.
Good plan b, put your number on all your forms. Hello gamefull employment.
Take that integrity
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Plan: drunk dancing. Reality: drunk almost getting in fights with people that could beat me into the ground.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
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