She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I have been standing totally still for the past 6 minutes because I was convinced my foot was tied to the ground. It turns out it was a string of hair strewn across my foot
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
