Why do my orgasm prompt her to begin using babytalk EVERYTIME?!
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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