something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Also he said my vagina was sculpted by gods so there must be some feelings here.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
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