I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
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