i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
god it feels good to gold a bottle of opiates again.
I think that typo was actually more appropriate than what you intended.
We hooked up with 2 friends last night as always and she stole their fucking cocaine and I just had to drive to their house and make her give it back to him hahshshahahah only me
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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