barbara walters just said penis...
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
Let's drink?
Just because it's bacon vodka doesn't mean it's for breakfast.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
